Shake that ass...


Written on 12/19/2004 05:47:00 pm by sikapitan

I came out of watching Alexander thanking God that I wasn’t born in that era. Was I mistaken to proclaim that all men are genetically engineered to screw every girl they find attractive? Perhaps I should rephrase my proposition. It should be “men are genetically inclined to procreate with as many PEOPLE as possible” without actually referring to any particular gender. Historical facts have shown that men of yester-years engage in more homosexual activities than our current so called “liberal” generation. Isn’t it a scientific fact that all fetuses/babies have a general tendency towards the XX chromosome, meaning female, and the Y chromosome only comes in to mess things up and turn perfectly beautiful, caring females into hot-tempered, war-mongering males? So that’s why it’s easier to make a man sensitive than making a woman aggressive.

In addition to the annoyingly overbearing homosexual/bisexual theme in the movie, I find Alexander to be a truly boring show, and a major disappointment from Oliver Stone who had made great character-driven movies such as JFK and my personal favourite, Wall Street. The idea of encompassing Alexander massive accomplishments into a 2 hour 45 minutes spectacle is simply too much to handle. I’m very disappointed with all the battle scenes in the movie, which appeared disjointed and confusing. Those of you who remembered Colin Farrell in Tigerland and Phone Booth wouldn’t have believed that he’s the same person playing the sobbing whining title character. I understand that the script wanted to show that behind the mask there’s a sensitive side to Alexander. My gripe is that they made him TOO sensitive, seemingly in a state of perpetual “merajukness”.

And that is the crux of the matter isn’t it? We live in a world filled with imperfections, where heroes have affairs; leaders appear dumb (stand up you Texan), sports icons taking drugs and angelic-looking singing icons smoking. We all know that everyone has their imperfections, and we readily accept that fact. Look at Clinton, who is now regarded simply as a man’s man (though his choice of women appears to dent his standing in the ‘player list’). But the best movies of all time stress the HEROIC part of the character, rather than dawdling on his/her imperfections. Sure, Bruce Willis in Die Hard wasn’t really the model citizen, but we all remembered him shooting his way out of a tight situation with one handgun which magically appears to hit the bad guys with relative ease. And Gladiator was great because Russell Crowe’s character was a true hero, one that displays courage and strength in all its glory. In Troy, who was your least favourite character? Personally, I despise Paris (Orlando Bloom) not because he caused the war, but because he’s a whining pussy. He can’t fight to save his life. We all love Hector, who is the embodiment of the ultimate hero. He’s good-looking, he cares for his people, he’s honourable, but most importantly, he can kick some serious ass.

The problem with Colin Farrell’s Alexander is not because he’s not good-looking (though the whole blonde thing just doesn’t work), or he lacks compassion, or he’s less honourable, but because he can’t really kick ass. In fact, I’m led to believe that he love asses. Go figure.

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