Keep your dick in your pants..


Written on 6/04/2004 12:12:00 pm by sikapitan

Movie Review:Troy

Adapted from Homer's poem (no,i've never read it either but it's certainly NOT from the simpsons ok?), this much-hyped about summer offering has been blighted by production problems that led to cost-overrun.Is that why the film seems to be lacking in promo as compared to Shrek2 or "Lusa"? Anyway, set in way Before Christ (B.C laaa), Troy certainly would be compared to another modern-day interpretation of the old days, Gladiator, although Troy is way before Roman empire came to being. Gladiator was a classic, and anyone who hasn't seen it is missing one of the all-time epics. Could we say the same about Troy?

I decided to catch this film right at the end of its life on our movie screens.I don't know why i didn't try to watch it sooner, preferring to catch Shrek2 and Lusa. Maybe it's the thought of watching a bunch of guys in skirts don't really appeal to me:)

Directed by Wolfgang Petersen, the same fella who brought you thePerfectStorm,this movie is set during the days of Troy and Sparta, two nation-states that has been enemies for so long. Peace is in the air, with Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson),leader of Sparta and Priam (excellently portrayed by the melancholic O'Toole) agreeing not to attack each other. But Prince Paris, son of Priam, can't keep his dick in his pants and started banging Menelaus' wife while they were there as peace envoys! Helen the horny wife,played by stunning newcomer Diane Kruger, decided to run away to Troy with the Trojans. Menelaus,of course,was raging mad and called on his big bro,Agamemnon,who is the kings of all kings to join him in battle. So basically the "greatest war man has ever seen" was started because some young punk's active sexlife and an old dude's greed for power. Told you that every conflict has some sexual undertones to it.

50 000 greeks were set to war on Troy. Joining them is the brooding Brad Pitt,who plays the best warrior known to man, Achilles.After that it's just men killing men with a smattering of sex thrown into it. Eric Bana, who plays the Prince of Troy, really buffed up for this movie, but even Hector, the best warrior for Troy can't beat the realllyyy buff Brad Pitt. There must be some steroids involved. Bloom looked considerably skinny by comparison to Bana and Pitt.Interesting if anyone realized that the conflict started because of lust,continued because of greed,and ended because of religion.Have we learn from history?I think not.

The film looks expensive,as the production paid the price for wanting to show every detail in close-ups.The scripts ain't so bad, even containing some memorable lines that i believe should be learnt by everyone:). This is a testoterone filled film,reeking with machoness and sexiness that the guys just lapped up and ladies adore. But this is no Gladiator. It lacks the intimate feel,the drama,the sense of being there that Gladiator brings to audience.Make no mistake, this is one good movie,but it'll never be an epic. The old Helen of Troy tells a more compelling story. The filmmakers tried to tell too much within a short time.

And unfortunately for them, this film,relatively tanked at the box-office.After 3 weeks, it only managed to get us$109 million, far below the us$200 million budget. Don't worry, it won't lose money, due to international screenings and DVD sales but it'll probably put off another idea of doing an epic. Basically, men in skirts lost out to a green mean ogre and some tidalwaves.I really wanted this one to do well, but it seems like the idea of watching the three "sexiest" men in hollywood isn't as appealing as watching a cat with a blade or ice melting. Go figure.

My problem isn't with the film,but with the rating. In the US,this movie is rated R but here in Malaysia it's U!!!hOW THE heck it managed to get Umum is beyond me. Even i flinched a bit at the sight of Achilles doing his smackDown right at the shoulder of his enemies. And what about the partial nudity?I was extremely surprised at the sight of breast on our movie screen. What is going on?? Is the commercial value of the film overrides the "oh-so-sacred" censorship requirements?Why the double standard? I see little kids in the cinemas watching BradPitt sleeping with two naked women, and trust me, everyone can see that they're naked. Breasts for god's sake! When was the last time you saw one (or two) at TGV????

Au ReVoir

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