Written on 4/12/2004 09:57:00 pm by sikapitan

Yesterday was my anniversary. 2 years and 8 months, still kicking ass and NOT taking names. I've done many things which i've regretted during my short period living on this planet, but surprisingly not that many during the course of this relationship. Temptations abound, playing inside my head. Every time i see a beautiful girl,the devil smiles at me, urging me to wonder. The problem is this: If you're in a monogamous relationship for a long time at such a young age, even simple things seems to be a temptation. Even the girl selling tickets or fries appear to be flirting with you, or even worse, you're attracted to her (when in actual fact you'll be quite apprehensive about showing her to your mom). I sometimes wonder if it's healthy to be steady at such a young age.

It's pretty hard to desribe where i stand in this relationship. I've never cheated (yet) but i've not been totally honest either. Let's just say that i'm taking an exam. I might have glanced at my neighbour's answer sheet, but i haven't gone so far as to share answers with him, let along bringing in notes into the lecture hall (analogy can be difficult-go figure). It's hard for a guy, especially me. I've got this natural tendency to appreciate god's creation, and the most intriguing of it all has to be the female species (actually, i REALLY appreciate them) but don't be misled by thinking that i'm some sort of sick pervert. It's hard to believe, but sex is honestly one of the furthest thing on my mind when i see a beautiful girl. The first reaction for me, selfishly (or showing some kind of confidence-deficiency), is whether or not she feels the same way! A beautiful smile beats any show of cleavage anytime (hey, my blog, my lie).

And every so often, when i'm out with my mates, the most dangerous thought known to man-in-relationship, crosses my mind. I think "Could there be another one?". It's difficult to appreciate how truly dangerous this thought is. Once a guy starts questioning the nature of his love, and whether could there be another one out there, he's set on a path that will only lead to heartbreak, heartache and in some cases-heart attack. I've been through this crossroad many times during the course of my relationship. In fact, you could say that for some guys they go through this at least once a day. Imagine the conflict going through my mind. Guys have to make split-second decisions whether to preserve the sanctity of monogamy or just gamble everything on something that's entirely new (i shamefully admit i miss the whole courtship process) but also entirely unpredictable. Even if nothing works out between you and the girl, the guilt of having engaged in another relationship could burden your mind forever, bearing a heavy cloud over your own relationship with your girlfriend.

Issit worth risking everything? Like i've said, i've been through this crossroad many times over, sometimes treading the same path. And everytime i reach this junction in my life, i've always looked at the path i've chosen, and the path i'll choose. I'll think of everything's that's wrong with my girlfriend, list it down mentally (or sometimes, literally) and justify choosing to break free. But everytime i try doing so, i fail. The grass always seems greener on the other side but you just never know the shit that's in there. I'm not stupid enough to claim that everything's forever, but right now i'll settle for being loved by someone wonderful, and there's no chance in hell i want to lose that.

Some might say i've lost my balls. I say i'm just saving it.

On another note, attended my first board meeting today (damn, aren't this things suppose to be P&C?). wENt back at 9, tired as hell.Au revoir.

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